In my small meditation this morning — let’s call it well-intentioned sitting — I experienced an intense gratitude to be here in Krugersdorp. You can imagine my surprise. I realized that if I wasn’t here, working nearby and living with my parents, I wouldn’t be able to save up for my pending world travels. I sat gratefully. I could hardly wait to start living my day with this new and admirable outlook. I waited for the chimes on my cellphone to sound before leaping up from my yoga mat and rushing in to share the good news with Mum. She nodded her head, smiled, and harangued me about being blessed, etc. I grew impatient, even more so when she moaned at me for not closing the front door. “This house needs fresh air!” I cried and took Jass out for her morning stroll.

This evening I am reading Jerry’s email. It is heavy and enlightening all at once. This usually results in me putting off replying for weeks, if not months. Jerry has sent me his notes on the book he is reading, The Art of Loving. Jerry, a friend I made in Korea, has always recommended great books and so my ears pricked. And then promptly unpricked. I was in no mood to self-improve. Nevertheless, between the abstract and the mystifying, I managed to salvage a practical nugget of wisdom: to love takes practice and discipline. Woah. Sometimes things are so straight-forward that I don’t give them much thought. Who better to practice loving than your family? The ones whose imperfections lie bare before you. The hardest-to-love. The sometimes-insufferable. Maybe I can use this time at home to practice loving (?). Cheesy.

I suppose one does not usually plan to have realizations. I did not plan these but I’m glad to have had them. I knew I needed to write them down to revisit one day. Hopefully as a Nicola more adept in the practices of gratitude and loving. Definitely as a Nicola 30 minutes from now when my brother makes a pompous comment over dinner and later forgets to rinse the toothpaste from the basin.